WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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