So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
