barbara walters just said penis...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
