do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
