Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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