Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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