My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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