Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My liver just had a heart attack.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
