just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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