but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
