I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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