She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
