she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
