we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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