Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
