I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
