oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
