If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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