I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
