So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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