left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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