Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize