I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
