Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
