your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
