life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
