it wasn't lemon gatorade
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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