He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
