1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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