Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
