i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
