He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
