Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize