Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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