evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
