He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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