He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
