DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
