We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
