Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
