I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
