other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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