you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
