I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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