We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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