I'll bet she douches with gravy.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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