A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
dude. I can hear the air.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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