I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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