I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He passed out mid-signature
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
