I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
