I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
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I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I enjoy the company of your penis
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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