peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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