I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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