two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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