I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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