just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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