Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
