"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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