Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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