well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
