Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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