ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
