I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
