I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
