I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
