We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
