If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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