Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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