I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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