I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
