Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
