everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
