I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's always time for handjobs
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
