I met the friendliest cop last night
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
