Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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