Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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