Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
