so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Houston, we have a squirter
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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