Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
