your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
