Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I need help removing her.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
