dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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