Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
