I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
