I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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