Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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