Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
