you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
