I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
it glows. i had to have it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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