All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
