I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
