first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
